So i really hate it when i do that, to most people it sounds great, but i know what i did, and that was to have a deeper thought within a thought and not be able to save it with words without confusing myself and any reader who may have caught it. regardless, both ideas and beliefs go hand in hand, its true that you need to know what you have within yourself before you can give it, its also true that you must make that apparent and give it, in anything that you want to last.
Making my point that our hearts are never truly empty, even if we don't seem to have a partner in life. And my favorite part of writing this in the first place, that I think i may have found that person for myself .
The twenty years was just a little insight, which kind of proved my own theory to me, Yes, I loved him 20 years ago, and after all this time has passed and after i have for so long thought my heart was empty or incapable, it proved to me it wasn't, i didn't fall in love all over again, as much as this feels like what has happened, i believe I've just loved him all along...
and when lonely and looking within my heart for those empty places that caused so much pain, i wasn't looking for something i had, i was looking for someone to fill those places, and i never even remotely saw the love that was still there.
And even though, god help the person who would have ever spoken ill of this man, or had or who may have had ill intentions with him, i would have stopped it immediately if i were aware, and even though i had an overwhelming urge to tell him how much he meant to me so many years ago, even with all of that, i still didn't realize, that all of that love was still inside me.
